


now for my next trick

by marshmallownose



Category: House of Anubis
Genre: Canon Compliant, Eddie is trying to make the best out of it, F/M, Jerome is also a little shit, Patricia has murder on her mind, Peddie, Pre-Relationship, Season 2, accidentally handcuffed together, alfie is a little shit, like this could have theoretically happened in the time before palfie rejoins sibuna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26490367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmallownose/pseuds/marshmallownose
Summary: When Alfie’s magic trick goes awry, it leaves Eddie and Patricia handcuffed together for the foreseeable future.Forget about the Mask of Anubis—the real mystery is if they’ll kill or kiss each other first.
Relationships: Eddie Miller & Patricia Williamson, Eddie Miller/Patricia Williamson
Comments: 15
Kudos: 31





	1. The Amazing Alfredo & His Two Lovely Assistants

**Author's Note:**

> I was rewatching my all time fav sitcom I Love Lucy and the handcuffs episode inspired me to write this. Enjoy the shenanigans

She looked down at their wrists, up at his bewildered face, then back down again. Then, she slowly turned her head so that her eyes bore a hole into the so-called magician’s skull, right between his eyes.

“Alfie Lewis,” Patricia said slowly, raising her iron-clad wrist and shaking it. Eddie didn’t fight her, letting his own cuffed hand dangle limply where she held it aloft, “I’m going to _murder_ you.”

Alfie began to sweat, eyes darting nervously between his two handcuffed volunteers—though, _“volunteers”_ was a rather strong word. It was supposed to be a bit of fun, forcing Eddie and Patricia to stay hilariously chained together for not even ten minutes while also helping Alfie practice his magic tricks. A sort of two for one special.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the fact he had Jerome Clarke as his roommate, and if there was one thing Jerome liked to do, it was cause problems for Alfie. “I swear I thought they were just my trick cuffs!” Alfie whined, but Patricia’s glare only got more murderous. “Jerome must have switched them with real ones!”

Eddie, who’d finally gotten over the shock, narrowed his eyes and forced his hand—and, by extension, Patricia’s hand—back down to his side. “Why would Jerome have real handcuffs?”

Alfie shrugged helplessly, trying not to make any sudden movements lest Patricia attack him. “I don’t know!” he said. “I heard him and Mara mumbling together about prison the other day.”

“They’re gonna send _me_ to prison after they see what I’m about to do to you!” Patricia growled, attempting to lunge at him. Fortunately for Alfie, Patricia jerked to a stop inches from him when Eddie didn’t move, causing the two of them to yelp in pain as their arms hyperextended in the handcuffs. Her ire was immediately redirected toward Eddie, giving Alfie time to scuttle out of harm’s way. “Cut it out, will you?” she snapped.

Eddie blinked at her incredulously. “Me?” he exclaimed. “I’m not the one wrenching my arm around like a lunatic trying to rip him to shreds.” He frowned in Alfie’s direction. “Though maybe I should.”

“Now, wait a minute,” Alfie said placatingly, holding his hands out in front of him as a defense. “Just wait, alright? I’ll think of something.”

“I’ll give you _three seconds_ to think of something, before I—” Patricia attempted to cross her arms, nearly shrieking in surprise when Eddie’s hand smacked hard against her breast bone. “Ow!”

“Yacker, stop moving your arm!” Eddie said, snatching his hand back, and the force of it in turn sent Patricia careening into his side. “Ow! You just elbowed me in the ribs!”

_“Alfie!”_ they shouted in unison, and Alfie winced, backing halfway into the kitchen to stay out of their joint reach.

_“The Amazing Alfredo…_ has no ideas,” he said after a moment’s hesitation.

Patricia was practically vibrating from rage, and Eddie didn’t look much calmer. “Look, we’re just going to have to tell Victor—“

“NO!” Alfie shouted, startling Eddie into silence. “No! If Victor finds out another one of my magic tricks went awry, he’s going to phone my mum!”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “So?”

_“So_ my mum is _really_ scary.”

“He’s right,” Patricia agreed with a sigh. “Scarier than Victor. But you deserve _every bit_ of her wrath right now.”

“Shouldn’t you be mad at Jerome right now instead?” Alfie asked pitifully, and Patricia smiled furiously in his direction.

“Oh, trust me, I am. You idiots have subjected me to even more time spent right next to this slimeball.”

“It’s like you don’t even care that I’m standing right here.”

“I don’t.”

“Guys!” Alfie said, and the two “enemies” turned their attention back on him. “I’ll tell Vera to call a locksmith in the morning, but Victor’s about to call curfew. Just live with each other for the night? Surely it can’t be that hard! You won the Wonky Donkey! You’re both total beasts.”

Reminded of their victory, Eddie preened a little. “He does have a point, Patricia,” he said. “We’re kind of unstoppable.” Clearly not having learned from his fellow prisoner, Eddie tried to cross his arms, but instead ended up with Patricia’s hand flat on his chest.

Face burning, she ripped her hand away, hissing when the cuff dig into her wrist. “While he’s stroking your ego, my wrist is getting raw,” Patricia muttered, wiggling a finger on her free hand under the iron manacle to touch the already tender skin. “There’s no way I’m spending all night handcuffed to _you_. How are we supposed to sleep? How can we even get _ready_ for bed?”

Eddie hummed; he hadn’t thought of that. “I guess we’ll just have to strip down, Yacker. Might as well lean into the whole handcuff bit, right?” She glared at him, cheeks coloring with embarrassment. He felt bad all of a sudden for being crude, not wanting to make the situation more uncomfortable for her. “Okay, okay...I guess we’ll just have to sleep in our clothes. We could stay in my room. Despite the nerdy vibes he gives off, Fabian is always out doing something at night.”

“I guess it can’t be too hard to have a more active social life than a loser like you,” Patricia muttered, and Alfie snorted under his breath. She pointed at him with her free hand, and Alfie shrank away. “Don’t think you’re off the hook. If these aren’t off by tomorrow morning, I swear I’ll follow through on my threat.”

“Yeah, dude. I really don’t want to have to be an accomplice to a yack attack,” Eddie said. “But I won’t stop her.”

Alfie gulped, trying to put the image of Patricia and Eddie murdering him with their bare hands out of his head. “I understand. I’ll fix this.”

“You’d better.”

Alfie was saved from anymore trouble by Victor’s speech in the foyer, and the disgraced magician fled without so much as a good night down the hall into his room.

Patricia and Eddie exchanged awkward glances, then looked away. This was going to be a long night.


	2. Have You Ever Heard of Twister

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is gonna be a 3 parter lmfao

Sure enough, Fabian was out of the room, and if Patricia didn’t know any better, she’d have guessed he was out sleuthing with Sibuna. But that was ridiculous; those days were thankfully behind them with the Cup safely tucked away and Joy back in the house where she belonged. It certainly gave her more time to focus on other things, like just how annoying and totally unattractive Eddie Miller was.

“I can’t believe we agreed not to tell Victor,” Patricia said. “Alfie is gonna owe me big time.”

“Don’t forget Jerome, too,” Eddie pointed out, rubbing his face with his unchained hand. “Jerry’s still bitter over those carrots I think.”

“Can you blame him?” she replied, wrinkling her nose at the memory. “The whole thing was about as gross as your side of the room.” She gestured with her free arm to the mountains of clothes and wrappers strewn over the floor. The mess stopped exactly halfway down the middle of the room, leaving Fabian’s side looking spotless. “You’re worse than Mick, and that’s saying something. Why couldn’t I have been cuffed to Fabian?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at her. “You’d rather be attached to _Fabian?”_

She thought about it for a moment, and her mouth twisted into a grimace. “You’re right,” she conceded. “He’d probably give me a lecture on the history of handcuffs, or locks, or something.”

“I’m half asleep just imagining it,” Eddie said around a yawn, absently raising his bound hand to cover his mouth. He jolted awake when Patricia’s hand smacked against his nose. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Patricia didn’t bother concealing a smirk. “It wasn’t my intention,” she replied, shaking their connected wrists as a reminder, “but I can’t say I feel too sorry for you.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and nodded to the bed. “Okay. How are we going to do this?”

“You don’t wanna wash up?”

“Yacker, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all of your stuff is upstairs, and I don’t know how you plan to sneak us both past Victor.”

It was Patricia’s turn to roll her eyes. “I’ll just text Joy,” she said, grabbing her phone from her back pocket. She fired off a quick message and made to sit down on Fabian’s bed. Eddie stumbled, evidently not quite prepared to have his arm yanked again. “Oops,” Patricia said when Eddie caught himself on the floor with his knee. “Sorry.”

He shot her a deadpan stare and started to reply, when the door creaked open and Joy popped her head in.

“Trisha, why do you need your toothbru—oh!” She froze, halfway inside the room, eyes locked on Eddie kneeling in front of her best friend. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Nope!” Patricia said, her voice up half a pitch, at the same time Eddie said, “Depends on who you ask.” Patricia shot him a dirty look, and lifted their wrists so Joy could see.

Joy’s eyes blew wide as dinner plates. “Aren’t you moving a little fast?” she asked in a whisper.

“Joy!” Patricia exclaimed, scandalized. Eddie started laughing and he got to his feet. “Are you trying to be funny?”

She shook her head, biting her lip to keep from laughing. “No, not at all.” After a few moments, she couldn’t hold back anymore and burst into giggles. “Okay if it’s not that, then what are you two doing handcuffed together? I can’t imagine it’s by choice.”

“What? You think I wouldn’t want to spend time with Yacker here?” Eddie said, playfully lacing the fingers of his cuffed hand with hers. “We’re _inseparable.”_

“Unfortunately,” she said, voice strained, and Joy didn’t miss just how flustered her best friend actually was under the deadpan response. Nor did she miss the way Eddie’s teasing smile faltered in disappointment at the rebuff.

Idiots, she thought fondly. “Let me guess then…Alfie?” Patricia nodded miserably, and Joy whistled. “The Amazing Alfredo strikes again.”

“Thank god he doesn’t have to use his magic skills for anything important,” Eddie said.

“Our freedom isn’t important?”

“Point taken.”

_“Ooookay,”_ Joy said, eyes darting between the two of them before she held out Patricia’s night bag. “Well, here’s your toothbrush and makeup wipes. Try to behave.”

“Hey!” Patricia said, catching the bag with her free hand when it was tossed to her. “Why not tell weaselface here to behave?”

Joy shrugged, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “He knows if he doesn’t then he’ll have us both ganging up on him.”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense,” he concurred. Joy gave them a wave and started to duck out. “Wait, you’re not gonna ask us how we’re going to get out of this?”

Joy paused. “Hmmm…nope! ‘Night, Trisha! ‘Night, Eddie! Sleep well! Oh—“ She looked around the room for a minute. “Where’s Fabes?”

They both shrugged.

“Probably shacking up with Nina somewhere,” Eddie guessed, and immediately Patricia began to crawl around behind him so that his arm got twisted around behind his back. _“Ow!_ Patricia, what the hell?”

"I think I dropped something. Just a second." Patricia smiled at Joy sympathetically from her awkward position as Eddie hollered some more. “Good night, Joy. I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks again.”

Joy, who’d shrunk in on herself, just nodded and closed the door.

Patricia sighed and scooted back into a more comfortable position, allowing Eddie his arm back.

He rubbed his shoulder and glared at her. “What was that for?”

“You don’t have to mention Fabian and Nina around her, you know; she’s sensitive about that stuff.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “She asked where he was and I gave her the most likely answer. It’s not like I set out to hurt her feelings.”

“Yeah,” Patricia said, aborting an attempt to cross her arms early enough that she didn’t yank his hand, “but it wouldn’t kill you to exercise some tact.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” he muttered.

Patricia refused to dignify that with a response. See? She could be tactful.

After a beat of tense silence, Eddie sighed. “Whatever, let’s just go to bed,” he said.

“Fine by me,” replied Patricia in a clipped tone.

The two of them stood up, and made to walk around either side of Eddie’s bed. They jolted so abruptly when their arms stretched that the two ended up springing back together like a snapped elastic band, topping over each other on the bed.

They scrambled to right themselves, Patricia managing to sit up first. Once Eddie was situated, he looked over at her and couldn’t help from bursting into laughter at the sight of her. Hair messed up and uniform rumpled, she looked like she’d lost a fight. Or something else…

“Okay, okay,” she was saying, while Eddie tried to will away a blush—a blush! Eddie Miller did not _blush._ “Let’s try and get organized.”

“Agreed. Let’s at least take off our shoes.”

Patricia grumbled something about repulsive, stinky feet, but nevertheless nodded.

It took them a few tries to get their shoes off, as even that proved a difficult task. Eddie would reach for his shoe, while Patricia’s hand would get dragged along for the ride, and vice-versa. Eventually they were in their socks.

“Do you mind if I try to brush my teeth?” Patricia asked and Eddie shrugged.

“I guess we can both fit in the bathroom, yeah.”

They shuffled to the door, managing to open it after yet another mishap that left Eddie hissing when his knuckles caught the knob awkwardly as Patricia tried to open the door.

Once they managed to sneak to the bathroom and brush their teeth, the next challenge began. “Yacker,” Eddie said regretfully, and somehow Patricia already knew what he was going to say.

“You can hold it,” she snapped.

“No, I really can’t.”

He looked at her and she looked at him. Finally, she sighed, screwing her eyes shut. “You’d better have fantastic aim,” she said, turning her face away, eyes still closed, and comically gagging at the sound of the zipper. “Do me a favor and wash my hand when you’re done, too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie grumbled, embarrassed beyond belief that he had to pee in front of his crush. It was either that or wet the bed they’d be sharing so he supposed this would be the better option. “Are you going to take off your makeup?”

“Why?” she asked. “Curious?”

“Yeah. Curious if your face really is that funny under those layers of foundation,” he snickered.

“A mystery for another day,” she said. “I’ll sleep with it on.”

They hightailed it back to Eddie and Fabian’s room and shut the door behind them with thankfully no run-ins with Victor or Vera. But with that small victory came the hardest battle yet.

“Okay,” said Eddie, looking first at the single bed, then at the handcuffs, then at Patricia, then back at the bed. “How are we going to do this.”

Patricia, who’d been thinking much the same thing, bit her lip. “Do you think Fabian would mind if we moved his bed next to yours?”

“Nah,” said Eddie, “I don’t think Fabian _‘A place for everything and everything in its place’_ Rutter will have any problem with us rearranging the room.”

Patricia made a face. “I thought so,” she sighed. “Ugh, well...I can’t sleep on my stomach.”

“And I can’t sleep on my back. What if we…and, Patricia, I’m not saying this to be funny, but if we spooned—“

“Absolutely not,” she said immediately. “I refuse.”

_“Fine!_ Then how do you suppose we both sleep in a comfortable position in a single bed?”

“I think I’ve got an idea,” she said. “Have you ever played Twister?”

* * *

Twenty minutes later they were in a very uncomfortable knot on top of the bed, Eddie’s arm stretched between his own legs and the two of them somehow, impossibly back to back.

Patricia shifted, then groaned. “If only you had a double like I do.”

Eddie blinked. “You have…a double? What? Why?”

Patricia shrugged. “It was probably so that I wouldn’t call the police last year. A little bribe.”

“A bribe? The _police?!_ What?!”

Patricia shot him a dirty look. “Mind your own business, weasel.”

He spluttered indignantly. “Mind my own—you know what? Fine. Whatever. But you’ve had a double bed this whole time and only mentioned it now?”

“Well, you were adamant we stay down here,” she said simply.

Eddie tried not to shout. Then he blinked again. “Yacker,” he said calmly.

“What?” she asked.

“The overhead light is still on.”

_“…Fuck.”_


	3. Cold Feet; Warm Heart

Pale morning light hit his eyes where it filtered through the crack in the drapes, and Eddie shifted lazily in his half-asleep state.

For early October in England, it was certainly warm. And were there more pillows in his bed than usual? He curled into the pillow he’d managed to spoon in the middle of the night, ignoring the bite of the metal bracelet on his wrist as he sighed into her hair, and—

_Wait a minute._

Eddie’s eyes snapped open when the pillow—who was clearly not a pillow—shifted in her sleep under his arm.

Somehow during the night Eddie had managed to stretch his arm around his nemesis’ torso, his hand resting on top of hers. He tried to recall when this might have happened; once they’d managed to turn the overhead light off and twist themselves into a somewhat comfortable position in the dark, they’d laid there in an awkward, tense silence until somewhere along the line they’d both fallen asleep.

His first reaction was to pull away, as she’d made it clear that spooning, which was exactly what was happening here, was out of the question, and Eddie wasn’t actively trying to disrespect her—banter was one thing; sleeping together, even in the most innocent sense of the phrase, was another. The problem was, there was no way to move without wrenching Patricia’s arm, and Eddie wasn’t actively trying to hurt her either. He’d just have to wake her up.

As if she knew she was about to be prodded awake, Patricia sighed in her sleep, a soft hum rumbling in her chest like a purr. Eddie held his breath, suddenly loath to disturb her. It was cliche, really, but she just looked so peaceful, not at all like the hot-headed steamroller of a teenage girl she was when she was awake. Sure, Eddie had always found Patricia attractive, but seeing her there, curled against him, made something in him soften a little.

Before he had much of a chance to dissect the emotion, the door creaked open, and Fabian slipped in.

_He’s really making an effort to be sneaky, isn’t he?_ Eddie thought as he watched his roommate shut the door centimeter by centimeter behind him, wincing each time the hinges made even the slightest squeak.

Finally the door was fully shut and Fabian heaved a deep sigh of relief, turning around. His gaze accidentally locked with Eddie’s and he stopped short, caught. Then, Fabian’s eyes honed in on Patricia, before shooting back up to Eddie. The poor guy looked so confused, and Eddie took pity on him.

“Good morning to you too, buddy,” Eddie whispered with a smirk. “Alfie decided it would be fun to handcuff me and Yacker, here, together without a key.” He jerked his head toward their joint wrists.

Fabian sat down on his bed, lips twitching with amusement once he was over the initial shock. “I’m surprised she didn’t kill him,” he whispered back.

Eddie shrugged and the movement caused Patricia to grumble and readjust herself. “I suspect the minute these are off she will. We’re gonna ask Vera to call a locksmith.”

Fabian raised an eyebrow. “Well, she’s out in the kitchen now,” he said, and that explained his attempt at stealth earlier. “Don’t let Victor see those; he might just try to saw them off.”

“The cuffs or our wrists?” Eddie replied, only half-joking. “I guess it’s timeto wake the bear, eh?”

“Good luck,” Fabian snorted. “She sleeps like the dead.”

Eddie smiled wickedly. “Don’t worry; I have cold feet,” he said, and promptly jabbed her calf with his bare foot.

She awoke with a shriek, rolling off the bed and effectively dislocating both of their shoulders. “What the hell, slimeball? Was that your foot?!” she roared once they’d both stopped shouting in pain. “Gross! Why were they so cold?”

Eddie didn’t dignify that with a response. “C’mon, Yacker,” he said and rubbed at his shoulder with his free hand, “rise and shine.”

Fabian just shook his head.

* * *

Patricia rubbed her wrist in relief, watching the locksmith make his exit from the living room window. “Thank god,” she sighed, looking over at her fellow freeman. “I don’t think I could have spent another second chained to you.”

Eddie chuckled and turned to face her too. “Aww, and here I was thinking we were bonding, Yacker,” he replied, and Patricia couldn’t help but notice his tone was more genuine than she would have liked.

_Danger, danger, danger,_ her mind helpfully supplied, and she rolled her eyes extra hard just to make up for his sincerity. “Well, don’t get used to it, ‘kay?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Eddie raised his hands in mock surrender—and wasn’t it nice to be able to raise their hands freely again?—and grinned in his usual cocky manner.

Patricia could breathe a little easier after that; sometimes it felt like they were toeing the line of _something_ just a little too close for comfort. She nodded and turned to go, but Eddie’s hand on her shoulder gave her pause. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, eyes twinkling with trouble. “Just wanted to say you’re cute when you sleep.”

“Ugh!” Patricia exclaimed, ignoring his peels of laughter as she stalked away to hide her flustered blush. _“Creep!”_


End file.
